Saturday, August 11, 2007
Life, Death and Plimsols
Wierd, wierd week. I can't believe I'm buying school clothes for my daughter. She's starting in September -she's too young - too small - too precious to be going!!!! It can't be time - not yet???!!! It seems like yesterday that I was pacing up and down the garden, rocking her in her babysling. Now, in two months time, I'll be leaving her at the school gates.Trying to buy everything she needs, whilst trying desperately not to face the reality of it all.Just to add to the angst, only this week she seems to have found out the realities of life and death and the big hereafter. She came up to me the other day and, completely out of the blue, asked -"Mummy, will I die?" It was, I think, the hardest question I will ever have to answer, especially as I am feeling clingy and worried about losing her for half the day. Now she's desperately afraid that if she takes her eyes off me for a second, I'll leave her. Yesterday I was having a rest on the sofa, with my eyes shut and she came rushing in saying "Mummy don't be dead!!! Don't leave me!!!" Poor N! I wanted to keep it from her as long as I could - it's such an impossible thing to come to terms with and sad, I think, when they learn the truth. A loss of childhood's happy innocence, I suppose. I don't know how she found out and it was inevitable, of course, that she would. But I wish it hadn't been now.
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8 comments:
Oh man, it must be hard to be a parent sometimes! (((Hugs)))Aisling, on one of the pastoral courses I did in my diocese last year, the lady leading it mentioned a really really good book about the question children ask - as they inevitably will - about dying. Of course I can't remember either the title or the author. :rolls eyes:If I do remember it, I will let you know. I've not read it myself but it does sound good - explains things very carefully and sensitively (and straightforwardly - you can't beat about the bush with little ones).I remember one thing Penny said - not to compare dying to sleep, 'cause that really frightens children, they will then be scared to go to sleep. Although I'm not a mum, I can understand the separation anxiety you and N must be feeling!! You'll both be fine. ((((Hugs))))
(((Aisling)))) I haven't got any advice, really - I hope a hug won't go amiss even so. :-)
((((Aisling)))) I don't have any real advice either, but I do remember that, though I knew people died from an early age, it didn't really bother me. At that age, it seems so far away that it's only a vague notion. One day, when I was in high school, it hit home that I really would die one day. My mom just hugged me and got me through it.It's going to be harder missing the little one when she's at school. But I'll bet it won't take long to adjust, for both of you. Good luck!
Hugs to both you and your sweet precious little one too! Never having had children I can't know the full extent of what you are going through but I had a taste of it last night through a very realistic dream...that I had a six or seven year old precious little boy whom I just adored (funny cause I had always wanted a girl)...this boy was so sensitive and loving and I was just as afraid of losing him as he was of me :(
:smiles mushily: Fond memories of my kids in their first school uniform. She'll be fine. :kiss:On the death side, my children had a very good concept of death having seen dog after dog die when they were small (I had five retreivers from way before they were born, they all died over a three year span). It took them different ways. Idil used to getting the screaming abdabs every time we left grannies - she thought grannie might pop her clogs at anytime, whereas she's still going strong. David developed a phobia about photos. Every time another dog died I'd get out all the photos to weep over. I swear he thought that I just wanted photos of him to have something to remember him by when he died.As Pearl says, be honest with them. It's easier if you have a religious belief, but when I was little, I was convinced my dead relations could see me playing make believe games and that they were laughing at me for being so silly. :rolleyes:
(((Aisling)))Wow. Just yesterday hubby and I were pondering how difficult it's going to be when Hobbitling No. 1 goes off to school in a few years, and expressed our quiet desperation about the fact that for the first time ever she's going to be somewhere where we can't essentially be in the control of the situation for her, and that we won't be there for her when something happens to upset her. Of course we know that she needs to be able to eventually grow into a strong and independent young woman, but it just seems hard to focus on that when they're only two...So reading this... I don't even know what to say. It sounds as though your daughter is a terribly bright little girl. Please let us know how you deal with this situation, because I'd be interested in knowing. And I'd be interested in reading that book that Pearl mentioned as well.
Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, Pearl! Thanks for your comments. That book sounds very useful, and thanks for the warning about relating death to sleep - I can see how that might cause a few problems - N's sleep being dodgy at the best of times. N wanted to know if dears, rabbits and even dogs die? I think she's known about death for a long time but it's not til now that the reality of the mortality of all living things has really hit home. I think she thought it just applied to flowers and squashed insects and things.When I spoke to her I said basically that she would be very old, very tired and ready for the change. Having a strong belief in the afterlife I also reassured her that I believe that we go on to another, better place. Whether I should have said this I don't know - but I wanted to comfort her and there's plenty of time for her to question, if she wishes, and come to her own decisions.Thanks for the hugs x
(((Lily)))That's the hard thing - letting go and feeling powerless to help her, should she need it - even letting her choose her own food - hoping she'll make the right choices. Plus I keep getting awful school flashbacks - forgetting that she isn't me and will probably manage fine - being very confident and sociable. Four does seem young to start, though - I keep picturing her looking tiny and lost amidst all these HUGE children!Saying that - she's quite a handful at times and so frustrated by being at home that sometimes she's having tantrums over ridiculous things and fighting with me as if I'm keeping her a child, when, as she says "I'm a grown up school childs now!" She even stole my make up this morning and had a huge scream when I wouldn't let her wear it! I'm trying to look on the positive side - that it will keep her stimulated and Toby will finally get some attention.(((HUGS)))
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